Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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