Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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