"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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