I just made out with a guy for $7.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
