Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
