I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
