Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize