I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
