we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
