no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
