i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
