Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
