My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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