OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
