dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
