I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize