i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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