I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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