i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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