Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
