There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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