This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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