U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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