I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
