R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
