3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
