I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
