I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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