That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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