I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
