All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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