but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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