You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
