My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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