I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
