so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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