Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
