drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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