the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
