just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
