just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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