youre lurking in front of me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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