I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
