Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
