this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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