Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
