Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
