Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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