My first STD was from a foam party
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
