The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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