i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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