im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
