Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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