How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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