Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
