he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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