Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
