I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
