So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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