Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
