On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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