How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
