This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
