Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
