dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
