Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
