i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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