Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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