True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
