Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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