today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
