ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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