o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
