no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
