I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
