i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
