Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
