you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
