There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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