o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
