I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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