Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize