my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
