he wants to bone in the snuggie
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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