i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
