Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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