I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
