You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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