Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize