can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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