I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
