Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
