I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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