she was so not down for the gang bang
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
