all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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