I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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