I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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