if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
