dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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