I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
