You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
